Journey to ResolveResolution 5: Nurture Quality Friendships

In February we celebrated Valentine’s Day in nearly every country of the world. It’s the month of love and romance. Relationships are on the mind and heart. In this post I share 3 characteristics of friendship between two people who shared something deeper than a romantic love. They shared an inspiring friendship that possibly rivals the best of relationships. Join me in the retelling of a story of brotherly love set in the drama of triumph, fear, dysfunction, jealousy, murderous rants and scheming, loyalty, and courageous faith in a God who wins battles for His favored nation and for His own namesake.

Resolution #5: I Will Nurture Quality Friendships

A king’s son and his father’s future successor were the best of friends. Their friendship was probably as good as it gets. It was a deep, brotherly love built on common ground, mutual trust, and enduring commitment. This is how King Saul’s son Jonathan characterized his friendship with David, who was the future king of Israel:

Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace,
for we have sworn friendship with each other
in the name of the Lord, saying,
‘The Lord is witness between you and me,
and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’”
Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.

1 Samuel 20:42

Maybe friendships like this don’t develop very often.

Step back several verses to our 20:25 verse for this 2025 resolution. (I’ve included verse 24 as well for some brief context.)

So David hid in the field,
and when the New Moon feast came,
the king sat down to eat.

He sat in his customary place by the wall,
opposite Jonathan,
and Abner sat next to Saul,
but David’s place was empty. 

1 Samuel 20:24-25

David didn’t sit in his reserved seat next to his friend Jonathan because he knew King Saul wanted to kill him. Let’s remind ourselves of the back story…

David, a teenage shepherd, killed Goliath, the Philistine giant who taunted King Saul’s army day in and day out for 40 days. He approached the giant in his plain clothes with his shepherding staff and a sling. Of course, he was also armed with unwavering faith in God Almighty who ultimately won the fight for David. David quickly became friends with Saul’s son, Jonathan, and rose high in rank in Saul’s army due to his great success in battle.

As we might expect, David was highly praised by all Israel for his battle successes, but even more so than King Saul himself. Jealousy and fear, along with an evil spirit, festered in Saul’s heart and he tried to kill David with his own spear and by sending him to the battle lines hoping he would be killed by enemy hands. But God always made David successful.

By the time we reach 1 Samuel 20, King Saul had either attempted, commanded, or plotted to kill David numerous times, with each attempt unsuccessful. Saul considered David to be his enemy and would kill him on sight, however, Jonathan wasn’t convinced of this. The truth would become very plain to Jonathan at the New Moon feast. On Day 2 of the feast, a second day that David was missing, Saul asked Jonathan why David wasn’t there and he didn’t like the answer.

Saul responded fiercely and, after a brief, heated dialogue, he tried to kill even Jonathan, his own son. And so, Jonathan was convinced that his father had his mind set on killing David. But greater than the violent anger of King Saul was the bond of brotherly love between Jonathan and David. Here are a few things we see in their friendship that we can add to our value system and work toward in the relationships we need to nurture.

1.     Quality friendship is rooted in common ground

Our first introduction to Jonathan in the Bible is in 1 Samuel 13-14. King Saul, with thousands of men, planned to attack the Philistines. But they lost the battle before it ever happened. This is because Saul rushed a pre-planned burnt offering instead of waiting for Samuel to arrive as God had commanded.

As a result, Paul’s army was not equipped for battle because Philistine raiding teams took all the blacksmiths from Israel so they couldn’t make weapons. When the day of battle came, not one Israelite soldier, except for Saul and Jonathan, had a sword or spear. And so, instead of going to battle, they hid.

It’s in the hiding where we see the common ground shared by Jonathan and David. David hadn’t yet killed Goliath, but before that famous event, we see the faith of Jonathan rise above the fear of his fellow soldiers, just like when David stepped onto the scene as Goliath petrified the Israelites. Faith in the God of armies is the common ground shared by Jonathan and David. Isn’t it true that friendship is better when it’s developed around common ground?

 

**** Click to tweet ****

Friendship is better
when it's developed
around common ground

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Jonathan and his armor-bearer stepped out of hiding and into plain view. They wanted to get the attention of the enemy. This was the plan:

Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer,
“Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men.
Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf.
Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving,
whether by many or by few.”

If they say to us, ‘Wait there until we come to you,’
we will stay where we are and not go up to them.
But if they say, ‘Come up to us,’
we will climb up, because that will be our sign
that the Lord has given them into our hands.”

 

1 Samuel 14:6, 9-10

 

If that isn’t dramatic enough, here’s what Jonathan’s faith produced. After some taunting by the Philistines, Jonathan and his armor-bearer stepped into what the Philistines suggested would be their final walk on earth. But as he walked, the Philistines fell to the ground. Jonathan’s armor-bearer followed through by killing all 20 of them (1 Samuel 14:11-14).

Jonathan said, “The Lord has given them into the hands of Israel” (1 Samuel 14:10, 12). He knew the Philistines would be defeated. And not just this one troop, but the entire army who strategically positioned themselves to overtake Israel. My guess is he understood what David also knew with confidence: “...it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands” (1 Samuel 17:47).

 

**** Click to tweet ****

Jonathan understood what David knew
"it is not by sword or spear
that the Lord saves;
the battle is the Lord's, and
he will give all of you into our hands"

1 Samuel 17:47

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Because King Saul performed his own burnt offering, he would eventually lose his kingdom to a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:13-14, 1 Samuel 16:7, Acts 13:22). Of course, this man was David whom Jonathan hadn't met until after he slayed Goliath. But they eventually “became one in spirit” and love (1 Samuel 18:1) which are building blocks of another quality of friendship: mutual trust.

2.     Quality friendship depends on mutual trust

In 1 Samuel 20, we see how mutual trust kept Jonathan and David “one in spirit” even during disagreement. Jonathan trusted David’s perspective and he followed through with a plan that he thought was unnecessary (1 Samuel 20:1-3). When we don’t understand the perspective of our friends, do we carry out what seems unnecessary or frivolous? This is what mutual trust empowers us to do.

Jonathan didn’t believe that his father wanted to kill David but he said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you” (1 Samuel20:4). “Whatever” meant all, not just part of his request. Do we have friendships with this kind of mutual trust? Read 1 Samuel 20:1-13 for the full dialogue. It contains plans, promises, and the third quality of friendship I see in Jonathan and David: commitment.

3.     Quality friendship is seasoned with commitment

Returning to the story line that precedes King Saul’s jealousy of David, Jonathan and David struck up a friendship that became closer than that of many brothers. Jonathan even made a covenant with David that demonstrated his loyalty and commitment (1Samuel 18:3-4). As Saul’s son, he was next in line to become King, but he knew God had chosen David instead. So, he gave David his robe, tunic, sword, bow, and belt, thus willingly giving up his position as heir to the throne. He emptied himself of his position and honored David. This is a quality of friendship we don’t see very often – a commitment that includes giving up something of exceptional value or significance.

They made another covenant as well. Jonathan promised to let David know if his father planned to kill him. If killing was in Saul’s plan, his family would normally be an enemy to David, however, Jonathan asked David to promise to show his family kindness and David agreed.

This doesn’t sound like much, but it was a big deal. In the ancient Near East, when a new king came to power, he would wipe out the family of the previous king to eliminate any threat to his rule. In this covenant, David would not kill Jonathan’s family after taking the crown, but instead show kindness to it. The Hebrew word for this covenant love refers to enduring faithfulness and unwavering commitment. It is more than just a sentiment or feeling. Jonathan and David sought good or one another.

 

Let’s read what may be the last words and actions Jonathan and David shared with each other:

…David got up from the south side of the stone
and bowed down before Jonathan three times,
with his face to the ground.
Then they kissed each other and wept together—
but David wept the most.
Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace,
for we have sworn friendship with each other
in the name of the Lord, saying,
‘The Lord is witness between you and me,
and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’”
Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.

1 Samuel 20:41-42

 

Common ground, mutual trust, and commitment: qualities you want in a friendship. They are also qualities that should characterize our relationships in the body of Christ. We are in covenant with God and with one another, so we should seek the best for each other. Let’s work for the benefit of our brothers and sisters in Christ and of those in our circles and build them up through productive words and actions.

What changes do we need to make to better align with these 3 qualities of friendship? What relationships need better nurturing?

 

10 more resolutions to come...

The resolutions and Bible books in this series:

I will…

1.     Worship God Alone (Exodus 20:24)

2.     Be More Holy (Leviticus 20:24)

3.     Aim High (Numbers 20:24)

4.     Trust in God’s Strength (Judges 20:25)

5.     Nurture Quality Friendships (1 Samuel 20:25)

6.     Stand for God’s Government (2 Samuel 20:25)

7.     Follow God Through Highs and Lows (1 Kings 20:25)

8.     Let God Win My Battles (2 Chronicles 20:25)

9.     Rise Above the Naysayers (Job 20:25)

10. Trust God’s Ways (Proverbs 20:25)

11. Allow God to Correct Me (Ezekiel 20:25)

12. Serve Others Without the Glory (Matthew 20:25)

13. Rely On the Wisdom of God (Luke 20:25)

14. Trust the Words of My Savior (John 20:25)

15. Complete the Work God Has for Me (Acts 20:25)

 

If you want to dialog more about Jonathan and David's friendship, feel free to leave a comment or email me at authordlv@att.net. God is our best friend and He offers a covenant of love to all people. Read more about His love and gift of life.

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